Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Gambit

Suppose you find yourself debating a Progressive over the moral (in)validity of welfare legislation — because you're a masochist or you just have a penchant for wasting your time. Try the following gambit. (It won't work, but the results will be instructive, or at least amusing.)

You: "So, you think that it's justifiable to mandate paying taxes to support [the elderly/the poor/the sick/the (insert your favorite 'downtrodden' or 'powerless' group here)]?"

Progressive: "Yes. As Oliver Wendell Holmes said, 'Taxes are the price we pay for civilization.'"

You: "And it's moral to force [derivatives traders/doctors/health insurance companies/[pick your favorite 'selfish, evil rich bastard'] to supply the money or the good or service in question."

Progressive: "Yes, of course. We are our brother's keeper, after all."

You: "Fine. Tell you what. Since quality sex is as vital to human well being as money or medical care, let's establish a National Bureau of Prostitution, with a branch in every town in America."

Progressive: "What? That's ridiculous. Get serious."

You: "I am serious. There are a lot of lonely, ugly, poor guys (and gals — let's not be sexist) out there who aren't getting any. Or, what they do get is below acceptable quality. [If pressed on the standard of 'acceptable' be very vague.] We need to improve their 'access' to quality quim.

"So, I propose we establish a tax to pay for prostitutes for them. Better still, since there aren't enough good looking hookers to go around, let's require some Hollywood babes to participate. 'Voluntarily', of course, unless they want to pay a fine or go to jail.

"Now, this being a government program, the time required will be minimal when the bill is passed, say only once per month. It will rise in a few years to once per week, then once per day. Sooner or later, half their time will be spent in the brothel. But that's only fair, after all. They happen to be blessed with gifts that nature hasn't granted everyone. So, they should do this, and if they won't they should be legally forced."

Progressive: "But, but, that would be pretty much the same as kidnapping and rape." [Granted, I'm really exaggerating here, because no Progressive would ever make the connection. If government does it, on his/her view, it can't be equivalent to the crime performed by a private individual. Thus, for example, taxation can never be theft.]

What do you suppose would be the response?

Now, this may seem like a fantasy debate, but I actually tried this once with a dyed-in-the-wool 'liberal' female, an extremely smart mathematician. (She also happened to be very unattractive and would never have been required personally to contribute her services.) She was, not surprisingly, outraged. She was, however, unable to find a single flaw in the argument.

Naturally, I'm a little worried about giving Rahm Emmanuel any ideas here. But, hey, if we're going to have a government program, it might at least be one I could, so to speak, get behind.


Mike said...

Ok - I'm new to your blog and this was my first read...hilarious, witty, and well worth a try.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Ted Amadeus said...

Now that you bring it up, there are certain places in Canada and Europe where...
*shakes head, wakes from train of non-thought, laughs his @$$ off*
That's AWESOME, and completely logically sound in using their own attitude against them.
You DO realize "liberated" feminStaazi like Pelosi and HITLERy would shut a program like that down in a New York minute.

UNRR said...

This post has been linked for the HOT5 Daily 11/29/2009, at The Unreligious Right

Jeff Perren said...

Thanks, Mike, and welcome to Shaving Leviathan. I'm usually serious, but I hope you won't find that dull!

Ted, you might just be right. Maybe we could get Bill to get Hill on board with the program. I hear he's had some experience and some success in that arena. Nancy might be encouraged to go along too, if we switch the genders, or include animals.

David, thanks for the plug, and welcome to Shaving Leviathan. Hope you'll check back often.

VH said...

I'm all for it! Bring on our liberal overlords and the hot babes! WooHoo!